“It’s how we embrace the uncertainty in our lives that leads to the great transformation of our souls” – Brandon Trear
I have a feeling that most of you had a week filled with uncertainty this week, too. From schools closing, to restaurants only serving takeout, and all the things in between, it has been an extremely stressful, uneasy, and chaotic many days. Faith seems to be the only thing we can cling to right now, and even that is hard.
As all of this has continued to worsen, I was devastated with the news that all gyms would be ordered to close until March 27th. As you know, I have a tough relationship with running outside, and was just starting to enjoy my morning workout routine at my gym class!! Ahhh!!!
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t freak out a little.
Oh, and a bajillion major events through the summer have been getting cancelled, so my new worry is that the Grandma’s races will also be cancelled or postponed, and boy do I have mixed feelings about that possibility lol.
Anyways, this week was wild. Monday was the beginning of the Coronavirus craze with the governor’s announcement to close schools Wednesday, so of course conversations at work were filled with nothing but questions and worries about the future of the spread. I left work feeling mentally and emotionally exhausted, I get pretty anxious about things, so you bet my anxiety was through the roof with all the new developments. I was supposed to run 3.5 Monday. I headed into AF and hopped on the treadmill with the hopes that it would be as nice of a run as I had had last time I was running. Well, I didn’t. I made it just a little over a mile and was feeling on the edge of tears pretty much the whole time. Honestly I’m not sure why lol, I think it was just my emotional wreck of a self being overwhelmed and scared of course. I let myself off the hook Monday and allowed myself to walk for a little less than an hour and called it good enough. Such a weird day for me, and self care is good too, so I decompressed on my drive home with loud music and hoped for a better Tuesday.
Tuesday morning came fast, and I was filled with mixed emotions as it would be my last morning class until at least the week of March 27th. I was bummed, very bummed. Also very worried that I would fall off of the wagon now and get lazy on my non-run days because I do SO MUCH better when someone is in front of, beside, and behind me while working out to keep me accountable. But, all in the same, I was equally relieved that the gyms were forcing people to stay home to help slow the spread of COVID-19. Lord knows we need all the help we can get. Tuesday’s workout was a great step workout!
Wednesday came and would be the start of all outside running until this virus calms. Oh my. I met my boyfriend after work and after much procrastination and wasting of daylight, we headed outside for a 3 miler. We tried a route we’ve never traveled before, and chose to talk to each other between puffs of air rather than listen to music or podcasts since all the COVID-19 noise was becoming non-stop. We did it. The first two miles were healing for me. Although not easy or “fun”, my body needed the run and quite frankly the combination of breathing in fresh air and just listening to our feet and our conversation. The last mile got tough, I started to let the negativity seep in little by little. It would be at that moment that I would say “we can do this” out loud for the both of us, knowing that if we stopped now at 2.2, I would be filled with frustration…and he’ll tell you that that isn’t good for either of us lol. We made it to 3, and it felt good, really good actually. We were satisfied, and then celebrated with chipotle (take out of course:) and some of grandma’s homemade chocolate chip cookies cause why the heck not?!!).
Thursday was my first day without morning class. I felt “off” all day tbh, and I didn’t enjoy the feeling. I came home feeling sad and tired. I also found out that the job I was planning on acquiring and finally had the wheels moving on, was now pausing all hiring processes because of COVID-19. Needless to say, Josie had a tough day, mentally, emotionally, and physically, a tough day. I tried to do some form of an at home workout that night but honestly it was a piss poor effort and pretty worthless.. yuck. Go away Thursday, and COVID-19…PLEASE.
Saturday was a new long run distance of 6 miles, holy shit lol. Still blows my mind that I’m supposed to actually run that far lol.
I drove up to my boyfriends hometown for the weekend where we would quarantine with his fam, but first the 6 miles! We went to a place along a lake that has some paved trails as well as off road trails if you will. I decided we would only do the paved paths because at my gangly height of six feet, and considering my extreme growth spurt at like 12, my ankles were pretty much as strong as paper airplanes in a thunderstorm hahaha.
For some reason I was really crabby Saturday, no, like really really crabby. I think it was just built up stress and anxiety from the week, but man, idk how he’s still dating me after our Saturday adventure lol. (I think it’s okay to laugh about it now, hopefully he thinks so too hahaha). But seriously, he couldn’t do anything right, in fact I think he picked every wrong turn possible on the path, which led to many inclines….yep, you guessed it!!! This made me even more cranky…oofta, sorry hun.
We started running, then stopped after .3 miles because damnit I wasn’t running up another hill at this rate only after .3 miles!!! So we stopped, I probably screamed at him, also probably almost started crying lol, and then we tried again. This time we made it about a mile…and the whole thing was downhill hahaha. Like seriously?! Can’t I just run on a flat path?! By that time, I was noticing that I conveniently packed the pair of leggings that slide down after every minute of activity, lovely. So every 60 seconds I would have to yank my pants up while trying to maintain my running form…not graceful at all lol. Just try and picture this ppl. I also was noticing a blister forming on the inside of my right foot-even better!!!!!! Wow and I was supposed to be running 5 more miles yet?! You’re kidding me.
As we crossed a cute little bridge on the path, I came to a pretty abrupt stop after being fed up with my blister, these stupid pants, all these damn inclines, and just running in general. We took a solid 5-7 minute pause of just standing on the bridge being annoyed with the running attempt (well, mostly me, but you know lol). We decided to turn around and we would run the “flats” and walk the “inclines” until returning to the parking lot. Well, this time of walking was filled with my lovely self complaining the whole time out of pure frustration for our failure on the day. I wanted to run the 6 miles!! But I wasn’t willing to push myself to get there. I made excuses, telling my boyfriend that “if we would’ve ran somewhere else I could have done it”, “ if all our gyms weren’t closed I could have done it”…in all honesty I’m not sure if I could have or not, but I’m going to keep telling myself that I would’ve had the circumstances been a little different.
So yeah, that’s a lot for one week, but it’s been quite a week. I’m still annoyed and frustrated by the lack of effort Saturday, but I’m hopeful that better things will come this week. I also might switch back to the old shoes for a run or two and see how that feels.
All in all, I’m praying that week 8 will bring clarity and peace with the COVID-19 crisis, and bring me strength and energy as I tackle a new work week and training week.
A little note to any of my fellow class of 2020 peeps that have made it this far…I’m so sorry. This unpredictable time that we are living in has shaken us to our core with abrupt goodbyes, disappearing rituals, it has ripped experiences right from our hands, and all so quickly. My heart hurts for all. And now we’re supposed to find jobs? When people who have been working for the same company for 30 years are getting laid of because of COVID-19? How quickly things went from thriving and lucrative to diminished and desperate. We’ll get through this together, let’s lean on all the memories we were lucky enough to create, and stay hopeful that we’ll still have a chance to make those that we were most looking forward to as the class of 2020. Especially to my felllow Gusties, sending so much love to each and every one of you, here’s my virtual hug!
Stay healthy, stay hopeful. ❤️
Josie's Journey 