“Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose”- Lyndon B. Johnson
Last time I wrote, I had just accomplished a personal best of 9 miles. Looking back, I am still proud of that day, and to be completely honest, I haven’t had an accomplishment quite like that one since.
Week 13 brought some mini mile days of 2 at time and scattered throughout the week. It was also the week of my little sister’s prom, so that changed my plans a bit, too. My intention was to get up and run 7 miles on Saturday morning before getting started on her makeup for the day, but my mind had other plans. Instead, I did an interval run of 3 miles total and decided that’s all I was going to accomplish. I let it just settle as being okay and decided to soak up the moments with her instead of dwell on my run. The next day I would try again.
The next day (Sunday) came, and I got to thinking. According to my training, week 13’s long run was listed as a 7 miler; but, with our trip to California spanning the next weekend’s 10 mile run, I decided to flip flop. So, on Sunday, Bobby and I set out to conquer the first 10 mile run ever! When you’re in the middle of Minneapolis it becomes a challenge to map out 10 decent miles. Luckily, we live close to the chain of lakes, so that often becomes our location of choice. We started out heading a direction we have not yet tried in hopes of switching things up a bit. Sometimes that makes things better for me because it’s different scenery, etc., but sometimes it makes things more stressful because you have to decide on the fly where you are turning, etc AND what if there are crazy hills you didn’t know about or something?? Remember the Medicine Lake day? Yeah…me too…
Anyways, we ran around the first lake and headed to the second when we hit the halfway point of mile 5. Apparently, you’re supposed to fuel after 45 minutes of running if you plan to keep going for another 45 minutes. I just listen to the people who know more than I do, lol. So, we paused for a “re-fuel” moment and shoved a few gummies down the hatch…the very dry hatch lol. Now, if you’ve kept up with my training so far, you know that I don’t usually do well after I take the first “break” in a run…seems like that is still the case. I dreamt that the short break would be followed by a non-stop 5 miles to get us to our final count of 10 miles. I dreamt wrong. After the halfway break, I lost my mental toughness and got sassy. Not to mention how dry my mouth was after those gummies and the fact that all I could think about was drinking water!!! Our last 5 miles turned into interval running around the lakes…and let me tell you that did NOT sit well with me. BUT 10 miles is still 10 miles.🤷🏻♀️
Week #14 was a trip to California-so by nature, the running took a back seat. While we didn’t follow my training plan, we did manage to squeeze in one beautiful morning run along a golf course in Napa Valley at the Air b and b location. I tried to convince myself that a little time off would refuel me for the last month of training. P.S. a video is coming soon! We spent 2 days in Napa Valley and 2 in San Fransisco!
Week #15 was the return to MN and the week back to reality. A week that I never enjoy when returning from a great escape. Not to mention, this week in particular was quite busy! Trying to fit in belated celebrations for many life happenings took up our evenings, which made it even harder to make running a priority. Especially considering the fact that even when I have nothing on the calendar I struggle to make it a priority hahaha…Anyways, week #15 might as well be called the Flop Fifteen. Because what a FLOP it was. SIGH. What should have been a 5 mile, 5 mile, and 8 mile week ended up being a 3 mile, 3 mile week. OOF. So now that is technically 2 weeks off in a row. Uh oh. This was also a week of weakness for me. I could feel myself making more excuses than ever before while also really slacking on the nutrition side of things, too. I seem to get stuck in a bad cycle once I let it slip. The cycle goes failure-> disappointment->lack of motivation->failure->repeat. You would think that the athlete in me would be motivated by the failure, right? With running though, it’s different. I get so discouraged after not running the way I think I should be and it just pushes me into the cycle. I could also feel my physical strength and endurance already decreasing, after just two lower mileage weeks. A scary feeling at this point in the game, and not a good week at all.
Then came the big week #16. I told myself that I had to be better this week. If I really want to accomplish the 13.1 miles in June, I knew week #16 had to be some sort of “getting back on track” week. But, I also knew that just jumping back in and running 5 miles a day was not a realistic option for me mentally or physically. So, I started Monday morning with a 5:30am wake-up call to get in a quick 2 miles. It didn’t feel like enough, so I eased back in that night with a lower intensity leg lift cycle. A good first day for getting back at it.
Tuesday I did a 3 mile interval alone after work which actually felt good. The first “good” feeling in a while. I knew it wasn’t where it should’ve been, but I knew it was better than nothing. Wednesday we did a 1 mile blast on the treadmill at 9pm followed by a kick-ass HIIT workout. I haven’t sweat that much in a LONG TIME. It felt so good. Like better than any workout has in a very long time. Thursday I deemed my “off day” considering my busy work schedule that day. Friday was a recovery walk day, so booking 4 walking miles felt sufficient. All in preparation for my biggest feat yet- 11 miles. We packed up and headed North on Friday after work hoping that a cabin sleep and a fresh path through the northern pines would help us get through the long 11 miles ahead of us on Saturday. It must’ve helped at least a little bit!
We left the cabin and set out for town around 8am. With 11 miles to go, running between an 11-12 minute mile we knew it would be a grueling 2-2.5 hours on our feet. That’s a long time in running shoes! We tried a new podcast- one that talked about resilience and working hard. It definitely helped my mental toughness in our first 5 miles. I managed to work through the minutes of frustration and discomfort only to find short bursts of a runner’s high at the other side. It was a weird cycle, but also a little comforting. We had pre-determined a stop at mile 5 to quick squeeze a gel into our system and have some water to get us to our goal of 11 miles. My goal was to only have 2 or 3 stops throughout the entire 11 miles. Our podcast finished up around mile 6, so naturally I felt an instant weight when the silence commenced. I realized that I still had 5 miles to run and that is a lot. So, we ended up taking a handful of walks throughout the remainder of the 5 miles, and definitely more than I wanted to, but I WAS GASSED. By mile 9, I was so dang pooped out. It was hard to find the energy to even walk to be honest. But, eventually we hit 11 miles. Not the 11 miles that I imagined it being, but still 11 miles. It always feels better when I reflect on it than it did when I was in the moment. It was truly a challenge, but also something that I needed to do in order to have the confidence in hitting 13.1.
On top of the running lull, I’ve been struggling the last month a lot with my eating habits. I’ve never ran this much in my life, so I have no idea how I am supposed to be fueling my body. Last year at this time, I was feeling very content with my overall body health, the way I felt, and the way I looked. I also just felt good because I was maintaining a rather healthy diet. The last month or two has been a struggle. The days when I run I feel like I can eat whatever I want because I accomplished a run-but that isn’t healthy! I also don’t want to under fuel myself for the big runs, so I think I end up over doing it and indulging TOO much. It’s been a frustrating time. I’ve also gained weight that I didn’t want to gain…especially after working so hard to be in a good place at this time last year. To make light of it, I’ve been feeling like a big ole buttery muffin lately lolol. The combination of those things has weakened my overall confidence and well-being. And when you look good you feel good, so I’ve been feeling pretty shitty lately. It’s not that I don’t eat healthy, it’s that I eat healthy, AND then over indulge in snacking. I’m a sucker for sweets, gummies, and all things salty. So, instead of having 3 strawberry licorice bites from Trader Joe’s like the package suggests, I eat the whole bag in two sittings. Sometimes, too, I get stuck in the mentality of “well, I already ate a bag of chips, so I might as well finish the ice cream and the sour gummies, too”…. excuse my inner pirate lol, but ARGH.
That being said, I think this time of year can also be especially challenging for women. There seems to be such a “standard” of what we should look and feel like in a swimsuit bikini. I know I find myself thinking about it all too often as the weather starts to warm up. The other day I tried on some summer outfits and was devastated when my favorite pair of loose shorts from last summer are now a pair of not so loose shorts…it was an awful feeling. I then tried on some swimsuits and had the same feeling take over. While it’s easy to sit here and say things like “every body is a bikini body” or “who cares what other people think” or ” you’re beautiful just the way you are”, that would be ignorant to the fact that there is a mentality molded by our society about being healthy and fit and “skinny”. As I sit here feeling sorry for myself and wishing I looked “better”, I know I can’t be the only one. I don’t have any one-liner to cure the feeling or make it go away, but I do know that I will give myself grace and be patient with the progress I work towards. Sorry, didn’t mean to rant there…I guess sometimes my fingers feel the need to keep typing. Maybe this is my version of therapy after all. Ha!
Anyways, I’m hoping that I can get things back on track and where I need to be, and where I want to be. It’s an interesting journey trying to figure out what my body needs and what I need from my body as I figure out what activities bring me joy and those that don’t (aka running) lol. Wherever you are in your journey, I hope you give yourself grace and patience and all the self-love you can manage.
AND Happy Summer!! It’s the best time to be a Minnesotan!
I’ll be back soon.
xoxo
Jos
P.s. I wrote this two weeks ago and never posted it. So here’s an update on weeks 17 and 18: one of them was spent in Mexico and one was spent unpacking lol. A total of 8 running miles between the 14 days. Only two more weeks to go until the big race day!!!
Josie's Journey 